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Hearing or reading people's response to Death & Rebirth has been really invigorating; especially the way each song on this project has been interpreted by different individuals. I get asked from time to time to explain them a little more, and I normally give pretty vague answers because I enjoy how people see them. Recently, however, I thought it might be a cool idea to share the story of how they came to be since we're marching together! Watching these songs come to life was quite a surprise since I didn't really set out to particularly write this kind of record, but it's an honest reflection of where I was in my head and my heart at the time. I hope you'll find them more meaningful too as you understand their journey into being:
Fate: An Introduction” and “Death”
I was at a mall in Dallas shopping with my mom, and I saw another woman with her kids that really intrigued me. This particular woman was clearly in her mid to late forties, but she was dressing like one of her teenage daughters. I wondered why she might feel the need to do that. It seemed to me that maybe she was really afraid of growing older; maybe afraid of dying. I felt a little badly for her in a sense because maybe she felt really overwhelmed, and I also thought to myself that I don't want to be afraid of growing older―I want to do it gracefully if I can especially because there's nothing I can do about it. It's just inevitable. That was the major feeling I had as I watched her. It's coming and there's nothing any of us can do about it. In that moment, the first lines for “Death” were born, “Truth, truth be told, you might shake your fist at death, but we all grow old...” I really wanted to recreate the overwhelming feeling that all of us probably feel from time to time that no matter what any of us believe, the “light” is coming for us all at some point.
Nothing But Love Can Stay”
I literally woke up from a dream with this song in my head. I was still living in Mississippi at the time, and I had only been married a couple of months. Around that time, I was thinking a lot about how much I loved my wife, about the end of the world, and about what I would do if it came. What really mattered in the end? I think the song I woke up with was a culmination of those thoughts. Looking back on it now, I've realized that it's also a combination of poetry and passages in the Bible that have just stayed with me for so long. Particularly, Robert Frost's “Nothing Gold Can Stay,” and Isaiah 54:10. I got up that morning and went into the living room (so I wouldn't wake my wife), strummed, wrote the lyrics down, and then went back into my bedroom to wait for my wife to wake up. I scared her when she did wake; I guess it was kind of creepy to just sit there and watch her, but I couldn't wait to play it for her.
“Arrows Fly”
One of the most devastating times in my life involved a church family I had been a part of in my high school and college years. Without getting into a ton of detail, I will just say that my family and I were trying to do something different than what that spiritual community was comfortable with, and we were rejected in the process. For me, the wounds were deep because I found a lot of validation in being a part of the church in some ways more than being a child of God. When people that I loved, respected, and looked up to; people that I felt were family turned there backs on my family (and in turn it felt like they turned their backs on me), it broke my heart so much. An ideal that I had put so much faith in failed me. Later on, this song reflected struggles I was having with my own family when I started to strike out on my own apart from them. That can be trying if you don't see eye to eye all the time.
Simple”
This song was birthed out of trying to make sense of where my faith in God was at as I drifted away from organized church. I didn't feel like the system of church that I had experienced reflected what I was reading about in the Bible, and what I felt drawn to naturally. I was searching a lot to understand if there was a better way to relate to God. I felt pretty beat up by some of the circumstances I had endured in letting go or reconciling what I felt was right in my heart. There seemed to be a lot of man made “rules” that didn't seem to line up with the kind of unconditional love I was starting to believe in, so I started asking God to help me simplify our relationship. I still have a long way to go with this for sure.
Afterlife Parade”
This is the song that began it all (obviously).
I was visiting Nashville one weekend in March 2008 to sort of scope the place out and see if the next leg of my journey was going to end up there. While I was there I stopped by my friend Darcy's place just to visit. She had recently gotten married to Jeremy (McCoy that is...we hadn't met yet!), and her mom had also recently passed away. She was telling me a little bit about her mom and how hard it was for her to watch her mom battle breast cancer and eventually pass on; however, Darcy also related that her mom was so positive throughout the process. Darcy's mom comforted her the entire time and told her not to worry because she was going to be okay in the end. That totally confounded Darcy. Her only solace at times was found in wearing her mom's old sweaters―they were warm and still had her mother's scent on them. Something about all of that really intrigued me. I started to wonder what that experience was like for her mom, and I thought about how I wish it would be for me in the end. I also realized that there was a lot of “death” in my own life whether it was loved ones passing away, and loved ones family members passing away. I felt inspired to write about it all from the perspective of someone who was dying who is comforting someone else about it; I guess it's really a song from the perspective of Darcy's mom, but with some embellishments and my own desires for what I think heaven might be like. I took some definite cues from one of my favorite novels/movies: Big Fish. If you haven't seen the death scene at the end of the movie, you should―it's one of the most triumphant endings to a movie that I know of.
Phoenix”
This instrumental track is the oldest of the batch. It has been around for about eight years now. I was happy to finally bring it to light, and I thought it was the perfect symbol and segue to bridge the two sides of this project. The phoenix is a mythlogical bird that would catch itself on fire, burn to ash, and then recreate itself again; a great symbol of rebirth.
Rebirth”
Rebirthing into something new doesn't always feel that good, and I wanted to capture that lyrically and musically. I tried to use a lot of “war” imagery and “birth” imagery. The start stopping aspect of this song came from my understanding of contractions in the birth canal, and then coming out swinging, well, I feel like we are born to fight sometimes; we are born proving ourselves.
Black Woods, White Beach”
I wanted to create an abstract picture of healing that loosely incorporated images from “The Most Dangerous Game” and this is what came out. I never want to go back to the darkest places in my life after I've understood what they mean in becoming a better person. I feel Truth is always inviting us to sail away from those places and into the light. The sun rises in the east, and I kind of see that as a symbol of new beginnings. I feel blessed and grateful to God that I've made it out of the mess of myself, so many times.
Cincinnati”
Cincinnati” is really a love letter to a city. I think it has as much to do with the rebuilding of that city as it does with the marriage of two people or maybe the marriage of dreams and reality. Whatever the case, it's a love song.
Chinese Hand Drum”
I'm very proud of this song, and it comes from a very deep place in my heart. My love for foreign countries, travel, honorable people, lovers, and the divine are all interwoven in this hymn about finding transcendence and meaning in each of them.
Sequoia”
This is my personal mission statement about the nature of love and selflessness. More than that, this my own modern vision or parable of what I think Jesus' teachings were really about. I believe in his kingdom and that it is not built with stone and mortar or people's agendas, but founded on the unconditional love of God. The word “kingdom” seems to conjure all kinds of ideas in people that can often be negative, but I like to think of it as the most “honorable” culture of people possible guided by the deepest divine benevolence possible. That to me that means that life is not about what is wrong and right, but about how selfless we are in relating to others, and how we receive love, so we can ultimately give it back freely. I certainly am not perfect in any of this, but I hope to be as the kiln of life seals my heart.
Devil's Dirt”
Dance halls, dj's, the world bar, the world dance hall, the exhiliration of letting go whether here or there...it's all one. We wage war when we dance whether it's war within ourselves or with everything around us. Got to get free, right?! Ha!
Maypole”
Maypole” is a song about coming home and the blossoming of spring. In some ways, it represents the story conclusion to “Arrows Fly.” I feel a lot of reconciliation in it. I'm glad that it is the bookend of the project as well. I feel like it sums everything up nicely.
Heaven is alive, it's in our hearts. It's in our eyes and in our scars. We breath it in when we kiss; when we hold the sights we'd thought we'd missed.”
I'd like to finish this blog with a quote from Elizabeth Barrett Browning that ultimately encompasses what this whole project is about I think: "Earth's crammed with heaven."
There's more heaven and hell in our every day lives than we know, and there's more death and rebirth happening than just people being born and people dying. The great thing is it's all part of the story, and somehow it's all beautiful too.
--Quinn
